So I figured this week would be hard, seeing as it's my first birthday away from home, and my dad has been super spacey about the whole thing, but everyone has been so great. I've been getting gifts in the mail, and thoughtful letters from people that I never thought would ever write me. Seriously. Ever. But everyone is being so great, and even though it's still hard, everyone who so much as smiles and says hi helps, and I feel that much better.
I got a letter from a dear friend today, and after I read it, I started crying because it was so meaningful and well thought out. He had me read Doctrine and Covenants 98: 1-3, and I had an overwhelming spirit of peace. I'm just so glad that there are still good people in this world doing what they're supposed to.

Dealing

It's been really rough lately, but I guess that's just how it's going to go. I've started going to a counselor, and that has been helping. He helps me set goals that will help me through the grieving process. The hardest part about this whole thing is feeling the pain and knowing that nothing I can do will relieve the pain for a very long time. Obviously, that's kind of disheartening, but after talking to the counselor, I've realized that it's normal to feel that way. But there's so many people helping me, and I feel so grateful to them. Just so I have to stick to the goals set today in counseling, I've decided to write them down. Here we go.
1. Run at least four times a week to relieve stress.
2. Stop stress eating! (I don't know how I'll do with that one :P )
3. Talk to someone about the situation and my feelings at least two hours a week.
and:
4. Be patient with myself. Don't feel obligated to meet anyone elses expectations in dealing with the grieving process. Let myself know when things are right.

So there are the goals! Effective immediately. I've been doing some "me" time to try and speed up the healing. Such as hair dying and nail painting :]

Lately I haven't been sure of much. The only thing I do know for sure is that I hurt, alot. When I got the call from my parents that I was flying home, I hoped that nothing was wrong, and now I see that was a naive thought. My parents are seperating. It was a huge shock to everyone, especially to Jacob and I. We had no idea what was going on. The worst part is that my dad is the one who officially decided it, as he was the one who had an affair. So now he's leaving us to go and be with her and her children. It's like a bad nightmare, and I keep hoping that I'll wake up, but I know I won't, and that may be the scariest thing to deal with.
The future isn't certain, and in many ways, I've lost a part of me in seeing my dad fall away and disregard the Lord's commandments. He was always such an example to me, and without that constant example in my life, I don't know what I'm going to do. I guess try and be strong. I just don't know how to do it. All I know is that if I didn't have the people supporting me that I have, then I would not be able to get through this.